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Distress At McDonalds
by Eric Via
Taking a trip to the store the other day in my car with my kids, I was swiftly brought to my senses by my son's observation from the back seat:
"Hey Dad! - the flag at McDonalds was upside-down!!"
"Get outta here!" I said.
"No - it really was!"
"The American flag?" I asked.
"Yeah! At McDonalds, it was upside down on the flagpole!"
I strained my neck to look back, and, sure enough, I saw the United States Flag of America, the ol' Stars And Stripes, flapping away in the December breeze UPSIDE DOWN!
DOH!
Without even thinking (why should I start now?) I whipped my old car around in a patriotic U-turn, all the while going over my flag etiquette; a flag flown at half-mast indicates mourning of an important person, and...a flag flown upside-down is either a sign of protest and discontent with the United States, or a sign of distress. I couldn't recall seeing that McDonalds had any beef with the Federal Government (no pun intended), and I doubted that the place was being robbed at gunpoint and someone SNUCK out to lower the flag and raise it again upside-down on a Saturday morning.
I knew it was my obligation as a fine and outstanding member of society, an ex Boy Scout with honors, and an ex-Sailor in the US Navy to investigate this situation further.
"Are you really going to tell them Daddy?" asked my daughter.
"Of course honey. I have to!" ("I have to!" - how corny - perhaps I should step into a phone booth first and change my clothes?)
I barged into McDonalds with a mission, but there was a big line in front of me. I checked my pockets for change and found I didn't even have enough for a coffee. Not wanting to look like I came in there JUST to tell the manager his McDonalds was under distress I grabbed 3 packets of catsup and took my place in line...I'm not quite sure what this was supposed to do - but I think I was thinking that if I had the catsup in my hand the manager would think I was actually eating there and didn't come in just to interrogate him about the flag.
Luckily before it was my turn I saw the manager heading out to the parking lot to bring someone an order, I stopped him at the door.
"Did you know your flag is upside-down out there?"
His eyes got big. "Get outta here!" he said with a smile, and without missing a beat headed back to the back of McDonalds yelling "Carlos! CARRRRLOS! CARLOS!"
I assumed Carlos was the outstanding young McDonalds American whose responsibility it was to raise the flag every morning.
I tossed the catsup packets back into the bin and headed for the car - mission accomplished.
Outside, I looked back up at the upside-down flag whipping in the breeze and smiled. I got in my car to watch and soon out came Carlos, a young Mexican-American probably 17 years old. He didn't see me - and I watched him walk to the flagpole, look up, scratch his head like a cartoon character, and stare. He stared at that flag for perhaps 15 seconds, I'd guess trying to get a mental image of what the American flag is NOT supposed to look like when it's raised.
I pulled back out onto the highway.
America...baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and McDonalds.
Perhaps the upside-down flag that morning at McDonalds really WAS a distress sign for McDonalds?
"McDonalds - over 3 billions served...We can serve you good ol' American fast food, a cheeseburger and Coke, we can offer you an early American heart attack, we can serve our country's senior citizens a discount coffee, but our workers don't really have to have a clue how to fly our flag."
"Distress at McDonalds" is copyright © 2000 by Eric Via. All Rights Reserved.
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